this is pretty sick



I fucking love my anthropology class.
We have yet to be assigned homework, I know its coming
I just love the way he lectures. Hes so passionate about the material
He isn't boring. Well he can be haha but what teacher isn't?

By golly miss molly
i'm looking for a job
got a job application yesterday
going to turn that in tomorrow
I hope I get hired.
I need it so badly
even if i'm only working like 15 hours a week

just need cash
i need new clothes
hahaha

I mean i have money right now from my babysitting job
but i'm someone who likes to not go hungry at school
haha.

and i'm sorry I know taco bell is cheap but you can only eat that so many times.
I love the schools new student center.
its awesome

just shit
getting by little by little
waiting on something to happen
but not counting on anything.

just trying to not break down
lord knows its going to happen.

i'm too awkward

sometimes I feel like i'm being awkward
it's just...
eh.

dont you hate when you think someone is kinda into you
but then all of a sudden they kinda stop
and it makes you wonder if they even were


you kinda feel silly
and then you are left
being kinda into that person
wondering many things.

yyeaaaaaaaaaaaah.
mehh

i dont know

hahaha

anyways
school is okay
i like it
i feel like i'm always there
but yeah, lets hope i can manage
haha

ipod is broken
meh :[
but i'm pretty sure I get a new phone
so yeahh
and i should get some money this week
niggers need to pay me

i go to school
go to book store
buy something for math
walk out
accidentally drop my purse/bag
A cold mocha coffee is in there(you know the glass ones you can buy for on on the go)
that breaks
in a panic i try to save my ipod touch
cut my finger
blood
gross
get help
go to health and service center
get cleaned up and get a band-aid because the cut is smalll
go back to bookstore to retrieve my things
go to math
get out of math
go to math lab
do math shit
go wait for Mark
get picked up by Mark
run arr-ens with him
then go home.


my ipod touch is broken
i used that for so much
i'm so sad right now

This winter break has been one  big sleep fest.
yes I did venture out to see people a few times but I mostly stayed in bed.
I felt there was no reason to get up.
why get up when there is nothing to do?

Nobody does a fucking thing
At least I don't hear about what's going on.
I could put out the effort
but I feel annoying.
If it's annoying me than I'm sure the other person is annoyed.

I'm just done with everybody
I'm not sure if they are the problem or if I'm the one having a problem.

I'm just tired of being around people
but at the same time I crave being around people

There was one night that was sort of fun.
but when I woke up. I was irritated and just frustrated.
and just needed to leave, so I did.

Don't even get me started on New Years.

am i asking for a new social crowd?
I wish.

If only it were that easy to make friends
i mean fuck I'm barely comfortable with the friends I have now.

I'm dreading school.
I want to look forward to my classes and meeting new people
but the thought of having be in a class with people I don't know has my anxiety through the roof.
I was just getting comfortable with my surroundings when the semester ended.


half of me just wants to erase all of this.

It wouldn't make sense even if i tried.

spring semester

MW-College Skills:General Arithmetic(Should be called Math for fuckers who cant add)

MW-Elementary Piano
----------------------------------------------------
TTH-Child Development

TTH-African-American History

and an Online Class : Classical Music Appreciation

I may or may not take the African American history class
i've heard hes a really great professor but grades you on like 3 essays you write, i'm not the best essay writer but we'll see.


any other news

things are alright.

It just something else that i can't explain.

...

anyways

i'm excited
wed,and Thursday.
XD

So I Joseph has Swine Flu.
well that is what Kaiser said, but they also said that every flu is swine. or maybe they are treating every flu as if it was swine flu,
he is the ONE person that I was praying wouldn't get it.
hes 4, during the winter his Asthma gets really bad.

so I hope that we caught it before it manifests into anything

he looks so sad right now, curled up on the couch watching elf
poor baby.

lets hope for the best.

I forget that I'm going to have another half sibling
I totally forgot until my mom talked to my dad and she told me when the expected due date is and how they aren't going to know the sex of the child until its born.

It really sickens me when i think about it.
He doesn't deserve to have another child.

I'm hope its not a girl

but at the same time I hope its not a boy

why should he get a another chance at raising a child?

he already has 3.

so this kid wont get abused?
this kid wont have their Dad in jail and then not part of their life?

its fucked up

i guess i have a lot of Anger.

2 weeks with out glee
sad sad sad.

hella days with out a cell phone
sad sad sad

not hearing back from target
okay?

I'm taking it as a sign rather then something negative.

Something is just telling me that it's not a good idea to work there

I think I'm going to peruse a mall job.
Mother works in the mall, way easier.

Saturday will be a month sober.
wasn't a planned goal but I guess its cool
I still wanna get fucked up



uhh...yeah

oh i hecka want to go to Sacramento this weekend.

so i'm pretty pissed/bummed about Halloween.


It really sucks when you go from having plans to having none at all.

people are dumb and i'm sick of it


i want to have fun

but whatever

hello
i'm okay
not super

i'm like Mother bear's porridge in the Three Little Bears,
haha

I have a Job Interview on Friday :]
hope that goes well

I too love love funny/epic conversations on facebook XD.
-dont like new facebook layout but I tweaked it.

i'm just hoping for the best with this job thing

its not a license BUT my state ID is in the mail.


annd yeah nothing else
i'm broke but thats not new

Nothing really new?
I'm not sure about anything though I know what I'm doing.
It kinda sucks when a close friend makes you feel bad about yourself

She really hurt me with her words.
and she has no Idea, I mean I tried to tell her.

I think what hurt the most is her insulting my mom.
I mean how dare she say that my mom isent taking good care of me OR that i'm not learning any life skills from her.

all because I dont have a job or drive a car yet?

I mean can you see why that hurts?
I love my mom to death, she is the only parent I have and she is doing all she can to raise me and my brothers.

I think she forgot that my mom is the only parent in the household and there are 3 kids
i'm sorry i'm ranting, this should be directed at her.

I'm just frustrated with the situation, and it just gets difficult because she wont listen to my reasons. she just thinks there excuses.


I miss REAL friends.
like friends who are there for you
friends that dont judge you, and if they do they dont say it to your face
friends that give you constructive criticism and know how to help you out.

I feel like truthfully I have one friend here in windsor that I can truely go to if Im having an issue. She is always there for me.

ive graduated
i'm sick of high school bullshit
drama makers
back stabbers
womanizers

fuck this.

hahaha

oh and on top of it all
our direct TV is being dumb , Its not letting us veiw our basic channels like FOX and NBC. the low ones. haha

I might not be able to watch glee at 9 on wednesday. ahhaha

sounds dumb but when its the only highlight of my week I dont want to miss it.
i mean yes I can watch it on thrusday at school but its not the same

dont laugh, you dont understand.


i think i'm done with his post
it wasnt going to be this long but oh well.

I mean always and forever Adam will be the one I will call Womanizer. haha XD

but

I think I know someone else who can fit the criteria.


but yeah.
i'm not gunna go there.
it's not worth it.
If hes not looking for anything than I'm not going to invest more than I have.

I need to focus on me.

I <3 glee.

I have nothing really to say
things are crazy more likke bad at home

knot is still present it my tummy.

I want that to leave.

ew.

oh yeah my phone is off.
i'm poor.



this is my life right now=jfglkfdjlkgfdjslkgjdflkgjdlkfg and i'm not exaggerating anything
:(

I feel so dirty
so filthy
like a sleaze.
like a whore

is that bad?

It's all my fault
I didn't have control
I just let it happen

I know who I really am

I'm not like that sober
but when i'm drunk things just happen and I make mistakes.


no im not talking about sex,
god if that was what I was talking about I think I would just spend all day in the shower trying to scrub the filth off of me.

my stomach is in one big knot
and i just feel so dirty.

I just want it to go away.

yeeah

waiting for Art
I hope it's fun
if it's a bore I will fall asleep
oh man I think  we have slides
shit

haha

I got a text on my phone
asking something about if my mom was home

Idk who it was. I responded saying what I knew.
I think its my mom's friend

haha idk It could be a stalker I would never know.


haha ok I think i'm done for now.

I'll be your girl, backstage at your show,
Velvet ropes and guitars, yeah 'cause you're my rockstar,
In between the sets, eyeliner and cigarettes
-Paparazzi

I'm better today
not pissed off anymore, haha.

Wellz I have school tomorrow
I really like my art class, Thursday was a good day, a lot of laughing.

HOUSE is on tonight!!!
yay
i fucking love that show.

House and glee are my shows this year.

glee=love
house=wish i was a hard ass who doesn't give a flying fuck.

excuse my language. i like the word fuck


OH ive been wearing TWO shoes.
i got so tired of the boot that i was like "NOPE"

yeah.
I'm okay
not super
just okay